You mentioned to your loved one that you wanted to hire elder care providers for her and she started an argument. What gives? Your loved one probably isn’t ready to consider herself “old” and definitely doesn’t want you to think she is.
Starting Fights without a True Reason
You may find that your elderly loved one vents her frustration by picking arguments with you. The arguments may not even be related to what is actually going on. Your loved one is feeling defensive and is looking for any way that she can assert herself and prove to both you and to herself that she can stand on her own two feet. These arguments might have the added benefit in her eyes of “running you off,” even for just a short time.
Keeping You out of Specific Situations
Your loved one may suddenly start “banning” you from certain situations. You may find, for example, that you’re no longer welcome to help her work out her banking issues or that she doesn’t want you to go to the doctor with her any longer. This is another way to assert herself and to maintain some control over her own life.
Attempting to Do Things She Shouldn’t Be Doing
Another way that your loved one may try to assert her independence is to do things that you’ve advised her not to do or that you’ve kept her from doing. She may see this as a perfect way to show everyone involved that she can handle anything that life can throw at her, no matter what. Of course, this might mean that your loved one gets herself into situations that can be harmful to her.
Hiding the Results of Those Attempts
If your loved one is arguing with you, keeping you from being as involved as you’d like to be in her life, and following that up by doing things that she really shouldn’t be doing, chances are very good that she’s got some evidence of those attempts. There might be dings on the car or unexplained injuries that she’d rather not talk about. Looking for those results can help you to figure out what she’s been up to.
Your loved one might find that having a more democratic approach to assisting her feels more comfortable. Try including her in decisions rather than expecting her to accept decisions.